Ever wonder why people lie to us? Listed below are a few of the everyday situations and scenarios that bring out this common trait found in all humans. Yes, we all lie. It’s just a matter of degrees. And it is a social construct, as it would actually be quite offensive if we always told the truth.
Some of the reason why we lie include:
- Our high regard or expectations for the special people in our life: Our high regard is so valuable; they just don’t want to disappoint us. When they do something they are not proud of (as all humans do), we are the last person they want to tell. So, they lie to us to maintain our shiny view of them a bit longer.
- Our high moral standards: When other people see us as someone with high moral standards, they don’t want to admit to their own failings, not even the small ones we all share. Because we are viewed as such a good person, other people are tempted to lie to us when they are not so good themselves.
- Our ‘attractiveness’ not just the physical kind: When other people admire us, they often want to impress us. That might mean lying to us, so they seem more impressive than they really are. They admire us, and that makes them want us to admire them. If they don’t think we will admire them just the way they are, they will be tempted to lie to us so we will be impressed.
- Our status or power: If we have power over other people, if we have control over their lives, if we have something they want, then they may be tempted to lie to us. Sometimes the lying takes the form of sucking up. They act like we’re the greatest person in the world, even if they don’t really believe it, or they try to impress us by lying about their accomplishments and background. We have a say over what will happen in their lives, so they are tempted to say whatever they need to impress us, even if it is a lie.
- We are seen as a scary person: Some people are scary in a bad way on purpose, such as bullies, but other people just have a style that can seem intimidating. We aren’t trying to be mean or off-putting, it’s just the way we are. This can make it hard for other people to tell us the truth when they are worried that we might not like the truth.
- We are in a bad place emotionally: Perhaps we’re seen as a vulnerable person. Perhaps we are easily hurt or maybe depressed. Maybe we are not usually a vulnerable person, but at the moment we are going through a very difficult time. If we are in a very vulnerable place and other people know that, they may be reluctant to tell us something we might not want to hear. If they think we can’t handle the truth because we are too fragile, they will be tempted to lie.
- We are in denial, and other people can tell that about us: Vulnerable people aren’t the only kinds of people who don’t want to know the truth. Sometimes very confident and successful people don’t want to know either. A leader or manager of a company, for example, may make it clear from the way they act that they don’t want to hear bad news about their company. When things start to go wrong, the people who could give them a heads-up are afraid to do so. Instead, they suppress vital information, or they lie.
- We feel that certain truths should not be spoken: Some parents do this in their interactions with their children, especially when something truly terrible is happening. When a grandparent or other beloved relative or friend is seriously ill, or the cherished family pet is at death’s door, parents just don’t want to have to tell their kids the awful news.
The human condition is complex and curious. Sometimes it really is best to tell the truth, even if it is going to hurt. This is how we build trust with those closest to us.
