by Nancy Bergeron, Registered Psychologist
One of humanity’s deepest needs is to be heard. However, many of us fail to realize that ‘active’ listening requires intention and practice. Because listening is quiet and internal, it’s easy to overlook. Listening well is worthy of both our attention and effort. Do you have what it takes to truly be a great listener?
Interest
Humans are remarkable. Some humans are so wonderfully different and even eccentric. It is a gift to be invited to hear what other human beings have to say, in order to expand our own worldviews and understanding of others. Make an effort to be truly interested in what other humans have to say.
Active
Listening is active. When we are spoken to, we need to actively receive the message. This requires us to look at the person speaking, possibly give a smile, nod or just lean in a bit. Give a few verbal cues that you are engaged such as a yes, mmm, or un-huh. We need to concentrate to remain active in listening as we have a tendency to let our mind drift or start thinking about what we want to say next.
Vulnerability
When a someone shares a personal experience, it requires vulnerability. Likewise, truly listening to their experience places us in an equally vulnerable position. To really listen to another is to open ourselves up to their perspective and to challenge our assumptions and understandings. When we really listen, our minds should open and this may enable a shift in perspective. This can allow us to learn something new about ourselves.
Present
Try not to bring our own experience into theirs. This will take away from their experience by tagging ours on too quickly. We want to fully receive the valued gift of someone else’s experience and emotion. Although we may relate to their experience, we wouldn’t want to take away from the understanding of that person or situation. We can respond once they finish. This allows us all to be in the present.
Gracious
No matter what a person’s circumstance or station in life, do not judge them. Instead, listen with care and graciousness. When you open your ears, open your heart too. Remember that when someone opens up, it may be all they have to give, those of us listening need to simply receive.
